last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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