I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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