I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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