I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
