i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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