we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
