Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
