I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
