Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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