Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
