i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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