I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
