we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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