Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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