i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she told me i tasted like america
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
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Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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