What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
