Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
