I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
