Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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