dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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