She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
