A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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