He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
