I smell stomach acid.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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