I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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