The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
