I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
