i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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