Your tits are I can't wait for
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
