I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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