Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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