non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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