last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
