I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
