wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
