D3 body, D1 cock
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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