Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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