4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
