If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
