PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
