I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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