he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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