it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
