I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
