Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
