3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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