Operation Purity has been aborted
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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