So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
