we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You are a genius and a whore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
