Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ketchup is God's man juice
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
