I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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