well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
