she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize