Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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