don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
