It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just googled if crying burns calories
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
did i just pee glitter
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
