dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
