I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i love accidental penises.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They are going to name an STD after you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
