If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
