I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
