You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
