Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
