Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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